i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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