Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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