I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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