I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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