How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
