It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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