i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The air was thick with penises
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
