I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
