he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
