Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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