I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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