The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize