dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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