Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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