Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
