The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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