a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
