I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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