Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize