woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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