so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize