I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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