It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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