my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
