i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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