I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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