You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
