Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
