I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
