It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize