Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
