i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
