it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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