Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
