I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
