The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
