I will die if light touches me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
