ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Come see our sink grown plant.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
