I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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