There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
