Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
