wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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