is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
