who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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