Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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