I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i believe in u and ur pee
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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