ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
