She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She needs sedatives and a leash
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
