We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize