In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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