Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
