Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize