Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
and you fell through a lawn chair
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
