Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we made out on top of his cat.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
