I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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