apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
