it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
