u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize