and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
this is an emotional support booty call
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize