The maid of honor just puked.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
