Your face is a jimmy john
Don't make out with my wife yet
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize