Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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