My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
