So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize