Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
