I faked an abortion last night.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
