it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
