its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize