oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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