This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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