She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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