I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
