hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
