when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
