We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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