My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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